I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
