Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
