is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
