When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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