If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
