you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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