Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
