I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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