I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
