Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
