It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
