This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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