Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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