No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
