All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
