I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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