Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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