do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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