just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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