I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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