Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
