She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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