whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
