I will die if light touches me.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
3pm strippers are depressing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
