I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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