Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
