Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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