I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
