It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
