you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
