The maid of honor just puked.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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