and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
