so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
