i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
