i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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