I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
