if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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