9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the day after is always just damage control
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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