so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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