I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
