I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
