I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
