So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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