You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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