Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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