Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
