My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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