Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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