Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
