By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
