just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
