The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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