There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
