just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
